


Seasons of Grief

by Clarification, Lianou



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-05-25 20:01:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14984525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clarification/pseuds/Clarification, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lianou/pseuds/Lianou
Summary: In the peaceful months passing after Talon has been defeated. Angela Ziegler is married to Genji Shimada and all should be well. Now that her skilled medical hand is not always on call, Angela has time to herself and she finds that her mind is still at war. Traumatic memories plague her mind day and night. Soon Mercy is forced to examine who she is and what she is willing to do to finally achieve her own personal peace.





	1. Winter

  


  

**Written by:**

Clarification

Lianou

 

**Digital Artist:**

Gwiazdala

 

 

**_“War is brutish, inglorious, and a terrible waste...Only the flies benefited.”_ **

**_\- Eugene B. Sledge_ **

 

 

“More news from the wall, on this cold morning in Winterthur the omnics have been pushed back from the outskirts of the city once again by our military. During a midnight surge, the Omnic forces were gaining ground but this morning we are receiving reports that the assault has been met with fierce defenses. Again we advise citizens that can evacuate to do so immediately. If you have to stay create an evacuation plan. In these times of war, safety is never a sure thing. Thankfully, it looks like we are safe for another day…”

The anchor went on about the details of the battle, the casualties on both sides, how close the city’s defenses were to breaking, the need for more soldiers. Here in his safe kitchen, Frederick Ziegler’s heart raced as he realized just how close his family had come to being refugees the night before. Sometimes the war seemed so far away. It was easy when he looked at his wife, Alessia, to forget it was only just a few blocks down the street.

“Must you watch the news over breakfast, dear? Angela will be down soon.”

“We must be prepared.”

“We mustn’t ruin our mornings.” Frederick looked tiredly toward his wife’s lovely azure-blue eyes. There was a fearful weight behind the love they so warmly shown. She held his gaze firmly. “Not while there is a shred of normalcy in this city.”

“Nothing is normal anymore, Alessia.” His tone was not angry but exhausted. “The defenses were almost overrun last night and they could break at any minute. We have to be ready to evacuate.

“I know, and we are, but as long as the military holds them back I want Angela to have as normal a life as possible. I’ve worked with the refugee children, Fred, and I don’t want Angela to grow up with the kind of scars that they have, and I know we chose to stay at the hospital but Angela will not pay for our decision by losing her childhood.”

Her words hung in the air. Frederick wanted his daughter to have a normal life just as much as his wife but he also felt the longer she spent in the city, the more at risk she was. He looked at his wife again. She was busy finishing the preparations for breakfast. Angela’s lunch sat, neatly packed, on the edge of the counter. Alessia would have to go as well, he thought bitterly. It would be impossible to send Angela away by herself. Frustrated, he cursed the day that the other doctors had left. When the head of staff had told them they had a choice, many had stayed but many more had gone. How could Alessia and he have left, not when there were so many that still needed help and so many more to come, broken and bleeding into emergency surgery seconds from death. The rattle of gunfire came from the television as they showed live footage from the wall. He turned the television off sickened by the sound.

As if on cue, Angela ushered into the kitchen in her school uniform. In her hands, a textbook, _his_ textbook. The tired doctor was not even surprised. The girl was years ahead of her classmates. She was a child prodigy. If not for the war she would be off in some special school, applying for university, anything other than learning basic biology, maths, and cursive. It was one of the many frustrations he endured due to the war.

“Are you feeling alright, father?” Angela said studying his face. She quickly opened her book and flipped through it. “Perhaps I should diagnose you.”

A brief, low chuckle escaped him. “I’m fine, little angel, truly.”

“You need coffee, I think, my dear,” Alessia said as she put a steaming cup of black coffee in front of him. The intoxicating smell brought him out of his dark mood.

“Thank you, of course nothing is better than a hot cup of caffeine before a long day.”

“Caffeine is addictive you know,” Angela said smartly. “Addictions can be bad for your health, especially caffeine. Anxiety, insomnia, digestive issues, muscle breakdown, high blood pressure-”

“Yes, little angel,” Fred cut her off gently. “But caffeine and I have a quid pro quo. No doubt when you enter medical school you will find a similar relationship with the substance.”

“Sometimes the only difference between the medicine and the poison is the dose, dad.”

“A fair point.” Frederick allowed a weary smile to loosen his lips. “Now, eat up Angela, it is almost time to leave.”

“What are you doing in class?” Alessia said as she sat down at the table with her own plate. “Something interesting I hope.” Frederick was grateful for the change of subject but groaned inwardly when Alessia brought up school.

“I still believe I could spend as much time teaching myself from both your textbooks and Dad’s and get a highly superior education. All we do is go over the most basic information and right when I think we will start going deeper, we move on to another subject. If I have to sing in one more Christmas pageant, I think I may die.”

Alessia chuckled. “No need to be so dramatic. Your dad and I are looking for a better school for you.”

Unhappy lines etched deeper on Frederick’s face as they yet again lied not only to their daughter, but to themselves. “You know times are not as they used to be, Angela.” He caught his temperature rising and, for the sake of his family, lowered his tone. “We… we must make do with what we have.”

Angela looked down at her plate and pushed the food around. She knew that something skirted the edges of the city. She heard her parents talking in hushed tones when they thought she was asleep or out of earshot. The worry behind their eyes, the stress on their faces, it all spoke volumes to her. At first she thought that they were ill or perhaps she was and did not know it. Then after studying their behavior and symptoms, all she came up with was high stress levels. The whole city was experiencing high stress levels it seemed. No one lingered in the street anymore, most parents kept the children inside, safe from…from what? Angela was worried for her parents and wondered if she could do anything to help. She decided that right now, this morning, the only thing she could do was quietly eat her breakfast and enjoy the company of the two smartest people she knew. Before long it was time to gather her things and go to school. She used to walk but now they drove her, one of the many changes that had been made when the city came down with acute stress.

“Don't forget, little angel, we'll be waiting for you at six.” Frederick said as he started the engine. “If we don't arrive on time, wait for us. Do _not_ come back home alone.”

“Oh she knows, honey.” Alessia added softly, her gaze wandering over to Angela in the back seat, smiling warmly.

“Are both of you on shift at the hospital today?” Angela wanted desperately to go with her parents and see them do their work. Her mother helping children, her father performing surgery. Often they were gone these days, staying late into the night. Angela had to catch rides with other families. Luckily, her parents had treated most of them at one time or another so she never lacked volunteers to take her home. Her parents never said no to anyone in need. It did not matter if they had just gotten home after a 48 hour shift at the hospital and then someone knocked on the front door with a headache, stomach virus, or bad case of the flu. Sometimes their generosity came at the cost of family time but Angela loved watching her parents work and she knew that there was something more behind their need to be there for people.

She wanted to be just like them.

“We are, little angel.” Alessia said as they drove onwards. “It will be a busy day.”

“Perhaps I could assist.” Angela added with nonchalant grin. "I could shadow you and start preparing for my residency." She watched her parents for their reply.

“Oh dear, while I do not doubt that you would learn very quickly, you should focus on graduating medical school first.” Alessia said with proud smile.

Angela’s words of remonstrance were unwilling to take flight, interrupted by the soft, motherly looks Alessia gave her daughter.

“I am certain that your time will come, darling. Be patient, for some paths are longer than what we imagine, but ultimately lead us to the destiny we seek, and I promise you that, one day, we will work together side by side. There is nothing in this world I would like more, Angela.”

Frederick pressed his fingers deeper into the steering wheel, a somber look swept across his face. Angela watched her father’s beautiful brown eyes through the rearview mirror. There look of sadness and pain did not escape her notice. He had learned to mask it very well, especially when his daughter was near but lately the mask was slipping. What was bothering him? He noticed her watchful gaze and refocus on the road. Clouds were gathering, obscuring the sun and the bright blue sky. Fred flicked on his light as darkness settled in the streets of Winterthur. Alessia and Angela were still talking about the different test they would do together. He used to do the same thing. It was he, after all, that had given her a child sized doctors coat. Then the cancer of war had come down up on their country. Even so, as disease occurs in the body, so sadness occurs in the spirit. Their promises and plans for the future lay at the edge of knife. They were being held hostage by the menace of war. Far away, close by, it was unfair regardless.

 “How about some music this time, love?” Alessia suggested, the velvety of her tone slowly remedying the negative thoughts plaguing his mind. “What do you think, Dr. Angela Ziegler?”

Her soft lips stretched into a quick, bright smile. “I-I think, if I may say so, that this would be a welcomed change of pace for you, dad.”

“Doctor’s orders it is, then.”

The way his lips lifted upward. From the get-go, Frederick was fully aware he was before another mere attempt of Alessia to shield their young daughter from the excruciating reality surrounding them. Her method of choice, however, was one the fatherly doctor couldn't help but hold dear.

“Careful, Alessia.” Came his long forgotten chuckle, low and bright. “We don't want her to get ahead of herself.”

“Dad!” Angela said rolling her eyes. With both of her parents smiles brightening the car, Angela felt she could do anything.

At the comforting sound of Alessia’s soft laughter, Frederick turned on the radio which played music quietly behind their conversation. A moment to enjoy some peace and quiet.

_Just a moment, though_ , Fred thought as his mind drifted to the hospital.

The deserted streets caught Angela by surprise, an aura of profound uneasiness seemed to hang over every house. Thoughts shuffled in her head like a whirlwind. The friendly faces she had grown to know on her walks towards school were nowhere to be found, just like the cheerful echo of ‘good morning,’ that used to fill the now undisturbed quietness of the ordinary grey sidewalks. The quiet seemed to seep into their car, despite the radio, as they drove down the street toward the school. It was not unusual for a peaceful and contented silence to fall in her conversations with her parent. The breaks in conversation always left Angela with a smile on her face. Lately, however, the worried eyes of her mother and her father seemed to bring a cold, haunted air to the stillness. Suddenly an old song came to her mind unbidden, as most catchy tunes do in long periods of quiet. Angela started tapping her foot to the beat and before she knew it, she was humming the melody.

“That’s a good one, Alessia, see if we have it downloaded to the car.”

Angela smiled as her mother tapped the sound system to life in order to find the song.

“What’s it called again?”

“Luft Balloons!”

“That’s it!”

Before long the song filled the cold silence and the three were singing along. Frederick made himself smile as his analytical brain could not miss the true meaning of the song. How fitting it really was for their situation. He just prayed that his own hopes were not shot down. He was thankful that, even though she was so brilliant for her age, Angela was still a child, still innocent enough not to realize when a fun sounding song is actually about nuclear war. Still, all it took was a brief glance into the rear view mirror too see Angela’s beautiful smile to bring his own smile back. He prayed he would never live to see the day that her smile was burdened by grief.

Too soon they arrived at the school and Frederick got out of the car to hug his daughter goodbye, there was an odd finality in the air.

“I love you.” she whispered. The smoothness of that small sentence never failing to ease his inner struggles, making it harder for him to let her go.

“I love you too, my little angel,” he said holding her tight. He gave her book bag to her and wondered how many of his old medical school textbooks she had put in it before she ran over to her mother.

Alessia gave her a lunch box, no doubt filled with her favorite lunch. “Aren't you forgetting something?” She asked, her tender tone blended with a healthy dose of sarcasm.

Angela lowered her eyebrows in momentary confusion, but it only took her a moment to connect the dots. With a smile, the young girl leaned in closer to her mother, who chose to close her eyes to feel the soft touch of Angela’s lips pecking her cheek with her heart. Frederick put an arm around his wife as they watched Angela join the other kids in the school yard before the first bell. When he looked down at his wife, her eyes were watering.

“Why is it so hard to watch her go off by herself? It feels as though it will be forever.”

Frederick held his wife closer. “We will see her this afternoon, my love. You should be careful. If our little angel sees you like this she might try to diagnose you next.”

When Angela had disappeared into the school with all the other students, the Zieglers returned to their car and drove quietly to work. The atmosphere around calmed, the soothing sounds of softly splashing water droplets hit the car windows.

“What was that, love?” Came the concerned question from Frederick, breaking the silence at last.

"I don't know, Fred.” Alessia started, choosing the right words. “It's just…I get the feeling she knows more than she lets on."

Frederick’s thoughts were held captive before her statement as he carefully processed what he had just heard, unsure of what to make of it. "Do you think she's hiding it? Perhaps... _for_ us?"

"It would be just like her to think of other first rather than of herself. She must see how stressed we have been lately. You, especially. Perhaps the other children have told her things."

“Well.” A short laugh escaped him, but it didn't take long for it to fade away entirely. Even so, his words managed to flow out. "She took after her mother, then.”

"Oh hush.” She took that, instinctively embracing the opportunity to smooth the undisguised tension that silently threatened to take him over. ”She only reads your textbooks you know. She'll be a surgeon just like her father."

"Well, I will not deny that this is a fair point.” Fred, in turn, gave a hint of a smile. “Dr. Angela Ziegler... it suits her just perfectly."

"Indeed I believe so."

Another moment of silence punctuated by the sheets of icy water lightly drumming on the windshield fell upon them. The illusion of their safe world slowly cracked and shattered as military checkpoints became more frequent, most of which were a wide, double-gated barricade patrolled by heavily armed soldiers. Frederick’s stomach churned with disgust soon after his eyes met their weaponry. If only there was another way.

“I’m sorry.” He found himself saying suddenly. The two words burst out of his heart as water from a broken dam.

Alessia eyed him with confusion. “For what, _mausebär_?”

“For failing you two.”

Alessia’s heart tightened in her chest, Frederick was always so hard on himself "My love, Angela thinks the world of you and I-”

“Does she?” He asked. "I just...wanted to give her everything she truly deserves. A good school, a great education, but then this... this stupid war came in and-" He shut his mouth, unwilling to go any further. “She deserves better.” He glanced at his wife. “You deserve better.”

"Fred, although you may try, you cannot control the whole world. This war was not started by you nor will it be ended by you. We are giving Angela the best education she can have at this time. Even if she was marooned on a desert island, Angela would find a way to study. Nothing holds her back, and-" Alessia put a gentle hand on her husband's knee, "My darling, my world is perfect as long as I have you and our little angel with me. I mean it."

“About that…” He exhaled, releasing some of the tension that had built up in his shoulders before continuing with his next words. “Alessia.” He suppressed the urge to shift his unshakeable focus from the road. "I want you and Angela out of this city, tonight. I will take care of your patients, all of them. I promise you that.”

“Frederick, we talked about this.” Her answer came spontaneously. Irritation surged up inside her. "If we go, we go together. That was what we agreed on."

"Alessia, I can’t stop thinking about what almost happened last night. You are right, I cannot end this war, but I can at least make sure that you and Angela are safe. I can't stand the thought of seeing you two in the middle of all this hell; especially our little angel."

"Do you instead want to see Angela grow up without the father she adores?”

Her heavy words hit Frederick like so many knives and he fell into a shocked silence.

"I want her to grow up safe and sound.” Frederick said quietly. “Somewhere she can actually have a future. Somewhere she can actually have a normal childhood, you said that yourself. I just need you to be there for her, just like I will when this war is over. But until then, I need you to promise me that you two will be far away from here."

Alessia went silent. Tears leaked from the edges of her eyes and she turned her face toward the window to hide them; unsuccessfully.

“Promise me, Alessia.”

"Fred, I understand…I do but...I just…” Her voice trembled and she took a brief moment to compose herself. There was no way for her to change his mind about their departure; she knew that. Even so she wanted to argue with him. She wanted desperately to find a solution, to somehow change the reality they were facing. “What's stopping you from coming with us? I know that Angela comes first but…please…at least come with us. Angela needs you…and…I need you as well."

A sharp, phantom pain filled Frederick’s body and radiated through his foot, gently pressed down on the gas pedal. "There are still people counting on us, Alessia. I cannot abandon them." He paused as his voice faltered. "I love you. I love Angela, more than anything in this world. But...what would she think of us if we just...turned our backs on those in need? She would understand why I need to stay."

Alessia had already known the answer although her heart had made her ask him to come with them. "She…would understand; but understanding does not help how much our hearts would break if we lost you."

"I will not die." He said abruptly, resolutely. "I will not leave you two, ever."

A lump grew in Alessia's throat once more. "You cannot control the whole world, my love." She quietly repeated.

Suddenly, they heard sirens approaching, ambulances rushed past their car soon after. Frederick sped his car after them, knowing that the surgery center would be overwhelmed after the events of the night before. When they pulled into the hospital, they were met with chaos. Soldiers hobbled here and there as the scant hospital staff tried to organize the crowd and administer aid. Stretchers lined the sidewalks, some filled with groaning men and women, others with disturbingly silent, motionless patients. In all the attacks the city had suffered, Alessia and Frederick had never seen so many wounded waiting for treatment.

“Nurse. NURSE!” Fred cried as he leapt from his car.

“I’ll be with you in one moment, just wait one second,” came the exasperated reply.

“What on earth is going on here? These people need aid!”

The nurse looked with surprise at Frederick. He was not wearing his coat or ID Card but after studying his face briefly, her tired eyes lit up with recognition. “Oh, Doctor Ziegler, thank God.”

“Why are these men still out here? Surely the hospital cannot be full.” Alessia said while helping a wounded soldier to stand.

“But it is, those horrible machines’ advance last night put half the country’s army in our hospital.”

“Why are we short staffed? There should be a full complement of doctors and nurses here,” Frederick added looking around, dread lining his brow. “Where is everyone?”

“Dead or gone, I’m afraid. There are a few doctors left but nowhere near enough for how many people need attention.”

Frederick swept his gaze across the growing sea of injured and dying. He made up his mind.

“Alessia, tonight, you have to leave tonight. You must help as many as you can but as soon as Angela is out of school, proceed with the evacuation plan. I’ll follow when I can.”

“Fred-” Alessia started.

“We both feared this day,” Frederick said taking both of his wife’s hand in his. He pulled her close and looked into her tearful eyes. “But we knew it would come. There is no time to argue.”

She nodded and tried to speak but the knot in her throat would not let her. Instead she rested her head on her husbands chest for a brief moment. There in each other’s arms, the whole world seemed to take a step back.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

A quick kiss but rich in love marked their separation and as they both turned their energy toward the many people in need, they still kept each other, and their beautiful, innocent daughter in the back of their minds; praying that at the end of this terrible day, they would all see each other again.

 

**. . .**

 

Angela was reading one of her parent’s textbooks during the morning recess when a distant sound ripped her attention away. She seemed to be the only one to have noticed, however, so she returned to her book. Suddenly she was startled out of the pages again by a large boom that made the ground shake. Some of the other children stopped now and started to look around. The teachers were exchanging looks of dread. A third boom shook the foundations of the school. As the dust settled, the teachers jumped into action. They corralled the kids indoors and down to the basement. Angela could only think about her parents at the hospital. _Explosion,_ she thought, wondering how many more patients her father would see today.

“Angela, dear, come on! We need to get down to the basement.”

Just as Angela began to follow her teacher inside, the alarms began. They were old alarms, fashioned for a war of long ago but still very loud, still bone chilling.

“Is it an air raid?” Someone asked.

“No, probably artillery.”

“How long do you think it will keep up?”

“We could be here for a long time.”

The heavy, leaded door to the basement shelter beneath the school closed with a thud. Angela followed the crowd of students, and just like them, sat down to wait for the situation to settle down.

“Listen everyone,” said a portly, older man who stepped into the middle of the room, waiting for the people’s complete silence to proceed. “Our military forces are outside dealing with the threat and they were informed that we're down here. They will come to evacuate the school once the situation is resolved, certainly. Everything is going to be fine, I assure you all.”

“What is happening out there, director?” An older student asked thunderously. His height made him stand out among the other students as he asked the questions everyone else kept silent in their minds. “It’s the Omics, isn’t it? Have they broken the city defenses?”

The director inhaled sharply, and his authoritative tone threatened to desert him. “We don't know that, and no good would come from baseless speculations, young man. We do know that our soldiers are handling the situation as we speak, which means we have nothing to fear.”

Angela watched carefully for his body language, looking for a hint of a lie in his words, as it seemed to be her best, perhaps only chance to gather a sincere rundown of their current situation, good or bad. The director’s hands were clenched tightly throughout his entire speech and, when confronted, they shook so sharply that he hid them behind his back. His blink rate had the very same dramatic change after the student stepped up, and to only make matters worse, his eye contact was nowhere near as consistent as his tone. He was either lying or not telling the whole truth. The situation outside was far from controlled regardless, which meant...

She tried to block the frightful thoughts from getting the best of her, to erase the one menacing possibility her heart couldn't handle, but to no avail. Soon it came like a formidable aura holding her in a tightening grip. It stopped her from picturing anything other than her parents struggling in the middle of the wild chaos that shook the heavy basement doors. As the imaginary shouting of the slaughter played in her mind, icy tears started to stream down her pale cheek.

_Please…_ Angela held her backpack tightly, wishing it was her parents. _Be safe…be safe._

She was not the only one, however. The edge of her vision caught a young boy sitting beside her, he had his face buried in his shaking hands. Even still, she managed to hear the suppressed sound of his hiccups. All other students, as well as a portion of the teachers, were still shocked by everything that had just occurred. No one seemed to notice the young boy crying alone in the dark corner of the basement, but she did. Her mother would never have let him sit there alone. She quickly dabbed her own eyes with her sleeve and went to him.

“Hallo there.” She whispered with ease. Before his lack of words in response, she kindly insisted. “What's the matter?” She asked as if she did not already know.

The boy lowered his hands, his eyes welled up with tears as they met hers. His face was marble white, fashionably thin, and with prominent cheekbones and chin. It was not a face Angela recognized.

“My parents-” He began, his voice failing as his distorted view slowly came to focus. “My parents told me to not talk to strangers.”

His words took her by surprise, and before she even knew it, her fake smile turned real. “They told me the same thing.” She refused to talk about the rumbling monster outside, fearing that it would do more harm than good for both in that moment of uncertainty. “It’s alright, I'm not gonna hurt you.” She intended to place her soft, delicate hand over his, but stopped dead in her tracks, skeptical of his reaction. “Hey, are you hungry?” Angela grabbed her lunch box carefully from within her backpack before the young, yet unknown boy could even begin to formulate an answer. “It seems we'll have to wait here for a while.” She said carefully as she unlocked the small latch to reveal her mother's choice of food for her that day. _He's really hungry,_ Angela noticed at a glance as the boy’s eyes fell to the whole grain breads with generous quantities of butter and mortadella slices along with tiny grapes and, of course, bright red crisp apples; Angela’s favourites. “You should eat, at least an apple or two.”

His eyebrows shot up with shock. “Wait, why are you doing this?” He asked timidly.

She flashed a half-smile that played at the corner of her lips. “Why should I need a reason to help those in need?”

The boy looked rather strangely at Angela as she handed the brightest apple to him, hesitating half a heartbeat before his hunger surpassed his mistrust.

“Thank you.” The worry in his voice did not faze Angela.

“Don’t thank me, just doing my…future job.” She said, but her words lacked the joy her tone usually featured when she referred to her life goal. From the very beginning, she envisioned herself accepting her PhD in Medicine before her parents’ proud, and perhaps, watery eyes, followed by years of work and dedication to be as good as they both were in their wondrous, tireless crusade to help others indiscriminately. A childhood dream that stood unshakeable before many setbacks and complications caused by the war. Even in the face of this great calamity, the love and care of her parents had managed to guide her through the darkest time she had ever witnessed in her short years. Surely they would be able to weather this storm. The nagging image was again thrown to the forefront of her mind. _They’re safe. The Hospital is miles from the wall._

 

_They are safe._

 

She rose from the dreaded images of her nightmare and grabbed hold of her consciousness, as out of hushed silence a cry arose. Many other children, more than Angela could possibly count, had met the same fate as the young boy sitting beside her. The urgency and the need to seek refuge in the shelter after the explosions forced the majority to abandon the classrooms as soon as humanly possible, leaving their backpacks and lunch boxes behind. She quickly noticed she was among the rare exceptions, most of which seemed unwilling to share their food or to even reveal it to people’s peckish sights.

“Stay here, okay?” She said with ease, staring at the boy. “I will be back soon.”

She was fully aware that her food wouldn’t be enough to share with everyone, but even such a knowable fact wasn’t enough to stop Angela from trying. She carefully parted each bread in two equal triangles that were gone almost instantly after she began offering them to the young ones, which then led her to give up on her apples as well. Their face seemed to light up as they saw her offering; their eyes shining with unspoken thanks.

“What about you?” A red-haired girl asked as Angela handed her the last remaining apple slice.

“Don’t worry about me. You need it more than I do.”

With nothing but a few grapes that would hardly satisfy her own hunger, Angela made her way back to the lone boy and sat beside him, determined to keep him company until either his parent’s or the soldier’s arrival. While she hoped for the former she knew the latter was most likely.

“Everything is going to be fine.” She assured him, even though she began to lose faith in such words.

“You're a hero.” He said.

“I am no hero.“ Angela replied softly. “It’s through our good deeds that we reveal our parent's virtues.”

She pulled her backpack into a tight embrace. Yet her thoughts refused to calm, as they were again turned to Frederick and Alessia. Time stood still like never before and soon the tiredness brought on by long term stress came over her. As her consciousness ebbed, she dreamed of past things. Happiness. Comfort. _Family_.

Things that would never be again.

 

**. . .**

 

Her eyes felt heavy as they peeled themselves open. She woke up to the sounds of the boy calling for her, but she could barely hear his voice above the quick thunderous steps of the crowd of students walking towards the exit. Armed soldiers had arrived and the evacuation had begun at last.

“Let's go.” She said as she rose to her feet. “Stay close to me, alright?” Her hand held his and they followed the crowd.

The passage back to the surface was so terribly narrow that Angela was obliged to wait several minutes before reaching the school’s hallways, but when she finally did, her heart stumbled over its own rhythm.

“Daddy?” The young boy asked all of the sudden. “DADDY!”

Angela had no choice but to let go of him. The boy pounded his feet across the corridor, wildly darting past other children to reach a tall, wiry man who sank to his knees while spreading his arms wide in welcome to his son who did not hesitate to enter them. A woman came shortly after, her long arms encircled them both, like motherly wings. Angela watched speechlessly as the same miracle occurred throughout the school, for the soldiers were not the only ones that came to rescue them. Slowly, her eyes, her lips, and her spirit all at once smiled at the beautiful, tearful embraces taking place all around her.

“Dad! Mom!” She shouted, eager to catch sight of them. No response came. Yet Angela was so terribly giddy with excitement that she did not notice as she slipped into the crowd in search of her own embrace, one she would never let go again. “Alessia! Frederick!” She then chose to cry out their names, chant even, as it would allow them to easily distinguish her calling from the other children. “It’s me, Angela!” _Answer me, please! Please!_

And it went on and on. Angela became oblivious to the cheerful howl of several-hundred voices surrounding her, for the only sound she heard was her parents’ silence, echoing with their absence.

“Alessia! Frederick!” The scream came again, desperate, terrified. The silence tore through Angela like a great shard of glass, as her throat seemed unwilling to utter a sound. Even still, she cried out again and they did not answer.

 

They did not come.

 

“Hey, Mädchen.” A soldier whispered kindly when he spotted her. His face was filthy and tired but there was relief in his eyes. He had made it. “We need to move, my dear. Come on.”

“Wait- no!” She replied. “My parents- they…they said they would come to get me!”

“My dear, it's not safe here. You need to come-”

“The hospital!” Angela cut the soldier off as terror seized her. “Did something happened there?”

The man was hesitant to answer. “Erm…no, it didn't.” His voice fraught with disbelief told her otherwise, for the soldier was no better liar than the director. “Are your…are your parents there?”

There was no further response from Angela, however. Her young, fragile heart still processing the devastating blow from the unvoiced truth he chose not to share. _The hospital, what had happened there?_

“Yes.” She managed to whisper after a shocked pause. _I am still sleeping._ She thought. _This is not real! It's not, it cannot be happening!_

The soldier gave a short, fake laugh as he tried to ease the tension. Looking in Angela’s watchful gaze he said, “Another team evacuated the hospital, little one. Your parents are safe and they're certainly worried about you. That's why you need to come with us, okay? We’ll take you to them.” He dropped his hand over her shoulder, gentle and reassuring. “Lass uns gehen.”

“Bitte.” She said, stepping away from his touch.

“What is it?”

“My little brother.” The lie slipped out, smooth and easy as she was carefully fishing for the right words to proceed without rousing his mistrust. “I went to find my parents throughout the school while one of my teachers looked after him. I'll warn him that we need to go and we’ll both meet you outside with the others.” Angela couldn’t remember lying before, for she was constantly told by her parents that just as a drop of poison engulfs a whole bucket of water, so the lie, however small, spoils your whole life. She had taken such advice to heart, but now before such a calamity, her heart fell silent. Wherever the soldiers intended to take her, she would not allow them to. Angela had a plan of her own, one the soldier failed to spot.

“Just don’t take too long, okay? We’ll be leaving soon.”

Angela then turned her back to him and walked towards the crowd, this time in the opposite direction everyone was heading. It didn’t take long for her to enter one of many empty classrooms at her disposal, since there was only one way to pass by the soldiers unseen. She hesitated, freezing air slithering up and down her body; then, after mustering all her courage she decided to open a window and launch herself down. She landed jarringly on her side from the elevated first floor window. Luckily the watery grass acted like a cushion against her fall. Facing the glossy asphalt just up ahead, Angela began to sprint against the heavy rain that soaked her to the bones within seconds. Each drop felt like a small stone, coldly piercing through her sopping clothes. Her legs felt numb and unsteady, painfully sore. As her shoulders started to protest the bouncing weight of her bag, Angela was forced to give up the backpack she held so close to her heart. She needed to keep her speed, for she refused to allow her parents’ textbooks to become mere reminders that they were once part of her life. She wanted _them_.

 

Nothing less, nothing more.

 

A pang of regret and panic slowed her feet as she looked back at her school, now fading behind the curtains of rain. The thought of having the protection of a few of the soldiers while she went to find her parents was a nice one until she remembered the look in the soldier’s eyes. That tired, hollow stare of someone who had just been through hell. How could she have asked him or any of them to return now that they had withdrawn to safety? How could she have asked them to abandon her friends and teachers in this dangerous time? Angela made up her mind to continue toward the hospital. There was one last chance for her to find help on her way. There was a checkpoint between the school and the hospital. She hurried on through the rain. It beat on her body and weighed down her clothes as if dragging her back. Her will was stronger, though, and she forced her way forward.

Aside from the drumming rain there was no sound. If the omnic army was anywhere near, they must have been as quiet a mice. There was no human presence either. A cold feeling of loneliness came over her as she ran down the street. As she continued forward she could not help but feel like she was trespassing, as though an adult would pop out at any time and admonish her for acting foolishly. But she could not stop. Her parents were waiting for her. They needed her. Suddenly, through the gray showers, there was a flickering light. Its orange glow lit up the dark afternoon. There was smoke as well billowing up into the clouds. _Fuel_ Angela thought, _even in all this rain it burns_. As Angela got closer her heart sank and her stomach twisted into a tight knot. The fire was at the checkpoint. The stations were the soldiers checked your papers, and inspected the cars were empty and burnt. Perhaps this was the sight of one of the explosions she had heard.

Cautiously, Angela picked her way around the burning fuel and through the wreckage of the stop. The heat of fire was overwhelming and Angela stayed as far as she could from the volatile fuel as it roared from the tanks and cars that had been parked at the checkpoint. There were things crumpled in heaps around the concrete buildings and emplacements. Angela averted her eyes and swallowed hard. Focusing on her objective, she hurried through the otherside of the checkpoint away from the heat, toward the hospital. The road was now more populated, but with wreckage. She came upon the sparking frames of large omnics, their unlit eyes stared at her, menacing even in death. Some of them carried large turrets on their back and a single terrifying eye looking out from their small heads. Other omnics were huge with four stabilizing legs crumbled beneath them, some with their artillery guns still aloft, others broken in half hanging by wires. The more Angela saw, the faster her feet carried her and the more dread weighed in her mind.

Amid the ruined omnics were the bodies of soldiers. Their corpses lay in grotesque poses. Angela kept her gaze level when she could but the road was becoming more and more hazardous as the hospital grew nearer and nearer. Angela remembered the pained look the soldier had in his eyes. Had he come from the checkpoint or had he come from the hospital? _Another team had evacuated them_. She clung to the weary soldiers words but Angela felt that they were as true as her statement about her ‘brother.’  With heavy feet she came upon the hospital district and what she saw there haunted her nightmares for many years to come.

Angela had stumbled onto a battlefield.

There were smoking and smouldering fires in the wreckage all around. Dead from both sides littered the ground. Oil and blood mixed in the puddles gathering craters formed from bombs. Rubble from the hospital buildings was scattered around the surrounding streets. It had been the target of artillery. There had also been some kind of last stand by the able bodied soldiers but they had been overrun. Angela stepped timidly through the mess, passed the horror, passed the devastation and death. She kept her eyes level and refused to look. She had one objective: find her parents.

For a panicked moment she caught sight of a man lying in the wreckage as she entered the lobby of the hospitals trauma center, or what had been the lobby. The man was wearing the long, white coat of a doctor. Angela could not breathe as she approached him to check if it was her father. Forcing herself to gaze on the face of the corpse she was both horrified and relieved to find it was not her Frederick. The horror of staring death in the face weighed on her tender heart and that beautiful innocence every child possesses began to spoil as she looked on the pale face of the doctor, frozen in unending fear.

Suddenly a scream rang out through the rain. “Mommy?”

Angela ran toward the screaming. She would always know that voice. The usually immaculate halls of the hospital were covered in dust, rubble, and other horrors Angela did not let herself focus on. Further into the hospital she ran, toward the frantic cries.

“Run Alessia!” Her heart pounded wildly when her father's shout reached her ears, along with his grunts of pain and exertion. Once she finally caught sight of them in one of the rooms, she discovered why. "Don't touch my wife!" Frederick growled as he tackled an omnic to the floor.

“Daddy!”

“Angela?” By shifting his gaze toward her daughter, Frederick had made a mistake. The omnic furiously lifted his mechanical foot to meet the doctor’s stomach, the impact sent him flying backward against the concrete wall.

Seizing his opportunity to react, the omnic hoisted himself up from the floor and ran towards his rifle a few steps away. Alessia charged forward with full force against the machine, screaming, desperate to keep him away from both Frederick and Angela. She pulled him roughly away from the gun, but her body paid the price for such a move, for she could not spot his fist swinging towards the side of her chin. Angela watched with numbed horror as her mother fell on her back, blood draining from her mouth.

“No!” Her feet pounded the floor, heart throbbing inside her chest. Angela didn’t hesitate nor did she think. She could only act; running instinctively towards the omnic as he was about to take aim. Her entire being trembled as she managed to hold his rifle and pull it furiously away from him, forcing her arms to work harder than his as they fought for the gun. “Stay away from my parents!” She shouted, her fear was lost in her despair.

But her opponent barely struggled, for his strength surpassed hers in every way. As she felt powerless before him, her demise grew closer. The omnic forced the rifle to his side in a way Angela’s hands weren’t able to follow. As she tripped and stumbled over her own feet, Angela had nothing but a side-glance of the end of his rifle rushing directly towards her defenseless face. Burning pain broke open from the point of impact, her lips uncorked a cry laced with blood as she crumpled to the ground.

“Angela no!” She heard her father cry out between labored breaths.

Blackness filled the edges of her vision, but not enough to engulf her completely, for the shaky, pounding of her father’s footsteps echoed in her ears along with Alessia’s sharp coughs unleashing the accrued blood in her mouth as she rose to her feet. And so, gunshots cracked into the air. Loud as thunder, the symphonic theme to violence reverberated throughout the room and rang out far over the hospital. Then silence reigned.

No sooner had Angela thought of standing up than she felt her father’s body collapsing on top of hers, his white coat stained with blood; crimson, in the height of the chest. “D-dad?” A choked whisper escaped her.

With great effort he opened his eyes to see his daughter gazing at him, aghast. Unable to handle his failure he whispered, “I’m sorry, my little angel-” His words broken by his last, jagged breath. She watched the light slowly fade from his eyes and felt his hands grow cold like stone as they rested on her back, as if he intended to give her one last embrace before closing his eyes for the final time. A cold wave embalmed them both, and Angela only managed to emerge from it once she caught sight of the omnic’s foot just before her. She pressed her eyes shut, waiting for a bullet to end her life as well.  Angela sensed the omnic towering above her, but he did her no harm, as if she was just another lifeless corpse on a crimson river. Instead, the machine kept his peace toward the exit without looking back. Mission accomplished.

“Dad.” She called him, her voice low and hoarse. “Dad? Dad!” Her hands reached out for his face in panic, trying to wake him up, trying to bring him back. “Daddy please! Daddy… daddy!” Nothing. Not a move, not a word, for death had claimed his gentle soul at last. “Don’t leave me! DADDY!”

Only when Angela’s heart clogged her throat was she aware of Alessia’s strangled moans leaving her lips as she writhed in pain a few steps away from her husband. “Mommy!” Angela rushed toward her mother and her eyes immediately fell upon the constant, plentiful flow of dark cherry-red gushing profusely from her punctured throat. “No, no, no…No!” Angela sank to her knees, she carefully placed her hands over the wound trying to stop the bleeding. Alessia clapped her hand over her daughters and held it tightly. Unable to speak, her eyes never left her daughters bruising face.

“Mommy tell me what to do! Tell me how to help you, please!” But Alessia couldn’t will her words to fly from her open mouth, regardless of her efforts. Instead she took her other hand, stained in red, and tucked a lock of her daughter’s golden hair behind her ear. In her last moments she caressed her little angel’s cheek and gave her one last, tearful smile.

“Mommy,” Angela’s voice was just a whisper as she realized nothing could be done. “Please, Mommy don’t leave. You can’t.”

Alessia had already gone, however, her beautiful blue eyes staring , unseeing, just over Angela’s shoulder. Her hands dropped from her daughters face. Angela was reduced to sobs, as the salty sea behind her eyes suddenly burst forth. They wracked her body as she knelt beside her mother and father there in the ruined hospital. She cried for a long time until a great fatigue came over her and the blackness returned to her vision. As she submitted to unconsciousness, tears still trailing down her grimy, discolored cheeks.

 

**_Author Notes:_ **

 

**Clarification:** _Howdy friend, thanks for reading my first fanfiction. It is an honor to finally have a work published. I sincerely hope you enjoyed the read. What a rollercoaster it was to write! I definitely would not be posting this without having Lianou to lean on. (check his stuff, it’s pretty great) If you have time, please write a comment. Don’t be afraid to offer criticism as well. I am always looking to improve. Also if you are so motivated, share this with a friend. Please stay tuned for the next chapter,_ **_Spring._ ** _Angela is not finished yet._

**Lianou:** _Hello, dear reader. Good morning/afternoon/evening. Thank you kindly for reading the first chapter of_ ** _Seasons Of Grief_** _. Your thoughts and comments will be very much appreciated if you have a minute or two. It was a great pleasure to work alongside someone so talented and kind such as Clarification, and I cannot wait to see what else we can accomplish together. In all, thank you very much for your time. I hope we meet again soon in_ ** _Chapter 2 - Spring_** _._

 


	2. Spring

 

**_“Stronger than lover's love is lover's hate. Incurable, in each, the wounds they make.”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_― Euripides, Medea._ **

 

**_Spring_ **

 

It was always worse when it rained. Personally, Genji found peace in the gentle rhythm the rain made on the roof, the dull rumble of thunder far away. The smell of rain had always calmed him, even in his younger more agitated days. So it was a tragedy in and of itself that it was on rainy days that his beloved seemed to suffer most. Genji lay awake beside Angela as he had done on many a late night or early morning. It was a Saturday, naturally their alarms were set later, and thus the dim light of the sun had leaked through the water-heavy clouds enough for Genji to see the grimace on Angela’s face. Another nightmare. He rolled onto his side and watched as she tossed and turned in her sleep. Once upon a time he had tried to wake her from her tortured dreams but that had ended badly. So he waited for her to wake up knowing that when she saw him already awake, she would apologize and focus on his need for sleep. That was her beautiful flaw, Genji thought. The more Angela was hurt, the more she endeavored to comfort others, forgetting about her own needs.

With a start Angela jerked awake and looked around their bedroom, disoriented. Her eyes were wide and searched the dim room frantically. Her breath came fast as though she were running. Genji put a warm hand on her shoulder, his acute sense told him her heart was racing. Turning toward him, her tense muscles relaxed and instinctively she moved closer. He let his arms fold about her naturally. They stayed like that for a while until Genji felt his wife’s breath slow down. She turned in his arms and looked into his eyes. Silent tears leaked out of them but there was gratefulness also in those deep, blue pools. He held her closer and his silent efforts brought a small smile to her lips. As she nestled her head against his chest, he planted a kiss on top of those messy, golden locks. They lay there a while, at peace in each other's arms. That was why Genji found it so hard to say his next words.

“Angela, my love, perhaps we should talk about it.” 

The minute he uttered the words he regretted them. His wife seemed to stiffen in his arms as she put up the walls he had come to know. “I’m fine, Genji, truly.” Her voice was soft, though a bit strained as if someone had hit her and she was still recovering. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

Genji had half a mind to get back to his point, but he couldn't be oblivious to the fact that he seemed to be doing more harm than good in attempting to ease her pain. His efforts had always led him to the same conclusion in the end. It was always best to leave her be and hope that his warm, gentle embrace would give her the comfort his words could not.

“It is not your fault, my dear.” He spoke quietly, her heart slowed to a more peaceful beat as his arms squeezed a fraction tighter.

Before long her muscles softened their tension, yet the thought of a brief sleep before the rambunctious blaring of their alarms seemed to be further away from Angela’s mind. Genji was not deceived by her closed eyes, as he knew when her thoughts refused to quiet. Sometimes the nightmares would haunt even the briefest of her sleeps. Like in countless other early mornings, today Angela chose to grab hold of her consciousness in order to shun the dreaded images of past traumas. _War,_ he thought bitterly, _it truly is a curse. Even after all this time…_

Angela swallowed and took another breath. "What a time to be lying in bed, don’t you think?” She abruptly broke the gentle clasp of his arms around her as she got out of bed. “I will make us breakfast. Do you want some coffee?" Her voice tumbled out softly. "Nothing is better than a hot cup of caffeine before a long day.” There was a bitterness to her words that Genji did not understand. _Have the nightmares not run its course still?_ He could never be certain how much pain her smile could hide.

“Angela,” he called, his hand gently reaching out for hers before her sock-covered feet could meet the floor. In the very moment he sat on the edge of their bed beside her, Genji saw such great sadness in his wife's eyes that he wanted to leap into action and correct whatever it was that she struggled with.

“What is it?” She asked, still waiting for an answer to her former question.

Even so, a different voice from his past advised a gentle companionship. There are some fights which must be fought alone, and Genji was no stranger to that truth. _I wish I could heal this pain that tortures you, and even though I cannot, I wish you would allow me to try._ He wanted to say. Instead, Genji forced himself to smile. “Coffee sounds nice.” Angela nodded and gave a hint of a smile. Next thing he felt was the velvety tenderness of her lips pressed against his for barely more than just a second, yet enough for its gentle warmth to spread through the rest of him. Genji watched in silence as she got out of bed just as quickly to start her morning routine. _Routine_ . Suddenly the rainy morning was just like any other. _Let it stay that way_ , he thought, _no good will come from bringing up a sore spot_. A soft glow from the bathroom warmed the master bedroom as Genji put the trouble of the past out of his mind. She was already dressed in her snow-white sweater, leggings, and socks when he joined her in the bathroom as she was finishing up. Genji pounced, wrapping Angela in another embrace.

“Genji Shimada,” she said, her tone softened by a light chuckle. “If you think for one second that you’re taking me back to bed-”

His lips brushed hers, stopping her words by returning her kiss just as sweetly. “Would that be such a bad thing?” He replied when their lips were parted, though not for long, as Angela smiled warmly back and kissed him again. The minty freshness of her toothpaste was still on her breath.

“Another morning perhaps, _mausebär_ ,” Angela said resting her head on his chest.  

Genji took Angela’s hand and spun her out of his arms as though they were on a dance floor. Her socks let her glide across the tile like the angel she was. He gave her hand another squeeze before starting his own morning routine. It was not long after Angela had left that he began to smell the lovely aroma of coffee from the kitchen. “Wunderbar.” He said to himself.

He quickly hopped in the shower, did some daily maintenance on his prosthetics, and brushed his teeth and hair. Throwing on a shirt and some comfy pants, he made his way to the kitchen. His slippered feet padded the hardwood floors. _Is it raining still?_ He noticed in a glance through the watery glass walls of their living room. Thick, black clouds lining the sky high above the series of lakes and hilly crowns far in the distance continued to block out the first rays of morning sunlight in its entirety. _It will cease soon, I hope_. Their early Saturday morning would just not feel the same without their morning walk, though it only took Genji a brief glance towards his wife to push the weather from his mind.

Angela had her back to him, her eyes and hands now focused on the white loaf bread topped with tiny sesame seeds. “Good morning, Angela.” He whispered sweetly at the back of her ear, his arms wrapped around her shoulders and chest.

Her soft chuckle played just as closely on his senses. “Good morning, Genji.” The edge of his vision caught her lifting her gaze from their fresh breakfast to nuzzle his cheek.

The bread top was usually crunchy and easier to cut, though today it felt softer and the serrated edge of the knife wasn't so quick to bite. Instead of cutting cleanly and easily it was difficult and in the end, the slice was a wedge, thin at one end and thick at the other. “How is it that I can make surgical incisions, yet I cannot cut a simple piece of bread!” Angela said with exasperation. “I am learning though, right? Tell me I’m learning.”

“You are the most brilliant doctor in the world, of course you are learning.”

“You’re just as terrible a liar as I am a chef, Genji Shimada.”

He tried to suppress his giggling but to no avail. “Allow me.” His hands slowly worked their way around her arms, and before she knew it, Genji had seized the knife for himself. He edged his hands toward hers ever so slightly, the soothing warmth of his palms pressed against the back of her hands as he kindly guided them on each step on how to make a proper breakfast.

The more Genji thought about their morning walk, the darker the clouds outside seemed. He actually would have liked to go out in the rain and walk along the woodland path his feet knew so well. It was just a few short steps from their house. In Spring the woodland floor would become a riot of colorful wildflowers and in the autumn the leaves would create a kaleidoscope of color. They were a sight that neither Angela nor Genji could grow tired of even after many years. He imagined the raindrops on the flower petals, and the sweet smell of the rain mixing with that of the flowers; a glorious and beautiful experience. _Not today._ He thought as he glanced at his wife.

“Rain has ruined our morning walk.” He remarked as he sat on the couch still messy due to the night before when he and Angela spent more time searching for a decent movie rather than actually watching one. Angela couldn’t make it halfway through without falling asleep on his shoulder. _Who sleeps watching an action film?_ He recalled himself asking that question as he silently carried her weary body all the way to their bedroom. Perhaps it had been the only restful sleep she had gotten in a while. He grimaced at the thought.

“Well,” she began, the remote control in hand. “I think we may be entitled to at least one lazy morning every once in a while...I just hope it won't stop our donors from coming to the Gala tonight."

No sooner had the plasma screen come to life than Angela curled her legs up and leaned on his lap. It was their usual position and Genji loved the feeling of her head on his chest. His arm fell lazily about her as the news anchor went on about the weather.

“Well folks, you know the saying: April showers bring May flowers. That’s the motto of the day. We have a large storm system moving through the area. The breeze is slight so expect to see rain throughout the rest of the day and tomorrow. Monday will see spotty showers in the morning that will dissipate by the afternoon leaving it a humid, partly cloudy evening with temperatures in the mid-80’s.”

“It’s going to rain _all_ day?” Angela said tiredly. “Perhaps a lazy _day_ is in order to follow our morning.” She followed her words with repositioning on the couch, nestling closer to Genji.

“Who are you and what have you done with the real Angela?”

“Oh, she is right where she is supposed to be.”

Genji smiled contentedly down at Angela’s peaceful face. He was careful not to move, he did not care if she intended on using him as a pillow for the next year, as long as she got some restful sleep. Other stories and reports came and went on the television. Genji did not look at the clock. He felt Angela’s breath beginning to regulate in deep intervals. Then, suddenly, a breaking news alert came on the screen. The accompanying music was loud enough to stir Angela and her eyes fluttered owned. Genji cursed inwardly.

“Thank you for joining us for this segment of breaking news. We’ve just had word that Brazil has passed the hotly debated Omnic Amnesty Act, which prevents any legal action taken against Omnics who fought in the war.”

Angela jerked up from her position on the couch. Genji focused on the news anchor as she went on.  

"Many countries have voiced their support of the act and have stated that, if the act was passed, similar actions may be taken in their governments. With Brazil leading the way, we could be looking at historic times as governments around the world come together to secure world-wide peace for the foreseeable future. We will be back soon once we have more details to share.”

Genji stood up and began pacing with excitement. He had not heard such good news in a long time. To think, the world could actually have lasting peace. “Did you just hear that?! This--is wonderful Angela! All of our struggles with Overwatch; everything we have been through, everything we have done, it is all paying off at last! Peace around the world, can you believe it?”

His exuberance was met with silence. Angela sat on the edge of the couch head down. She had turned the television off sometime during his outburst. The same dark look from before was in her eyes.

“What is it, my love? Your dream has finally come true!”

“It did.”

“Then you will pardon my confusion. You seem almost disappointed.”

Angela looked up at him. She seemed perplexed, frustrated. Then she threw her hands in the air and sat back against the couch.  

"It’s just...It's like everyone forgot!” She said. The words had come haltingly and labored, as though Angela was not sure she wanted to say them at all. Her eyes were fixed on the ceiling, she did not want to look into his.  “So many dead,” she whispered. “The world simply moved on to the next story like it wasn’t about to end only a few years ago."

“Angela, should not peace be the main goal? We cannot wallow in grief forever. "

"I'm not wallowing!"

"Take it from me, I wallowed for years on end. I am an expert wallower."

"Genji I'm serious. You know better than anyone else how much I longed for peace during the war, fighting Talon.”

“Then why are you so unsure about the Amnesty Act? Angela, this is not like you.”

“All I am saying is that perhaps, this Amnesty Act is robbing people of their justice.”

“Justice?” Genji repeated. Angela nodded and watched for his reaction. _Justice_ . He had used that word on many occasions not excluding his return to his old clan. “ _Mercy,_ perhaps, is the better word...or maybe that word does not hold much meaning for you anymore?”

She glared at him, clearly hurt, and he hated himself. “There are wounds, Genji, deep wounds that the world has suffered. They will not simply disappear with the passing of some government action.”

He moved closer to her and took her hand. "I know, my love, but you know best of all the steps that need to be taken for healing. The world is taking those steps now and will be stronger for it."

"Sometimes healing leaves nasty scars." She looked away from him and gazed at the light rain outside. Her words hit Genji as he thought of the scars that still covered what was left of his natural body. The enmity that he had held in his heart for Hanzo for so long came to mind. He saw a similar anger in Angela’s eyes. "It's time for our walk," she said abruptly and nearly leapt off the couch.

"Are you sure?"

Angela strode towards the coat closet with confidence, ignoring his question. Genji watched his wife dig in the back of the closet for her rain jacket. He went to retrieve his own jacket shaking his head; a pit was forming in his stomach.

 

. . .

 

Raindrops continued their ravage on the earth, ripping cruelly at the ground and whistling angrily through the trees around. Even so, no storm could ever match the boiling fury that swelled inside of Angela. The pressure of a raging sea of anger towards what she had just heard forced her to say things she did not mean, and to express thoughts she had suppressed for an entire life. _An Omnic Amnesty Act,_ it was not becoming any easier to process. What had once been impossible had just happened before her very eyes; Omnics and humans living together in peace. Only someone truly optimistic or truly naive could have pictured such an accomplishment. It was closer to a miracle.

Angela was one of those people, and if she was either naive or optimistic, she held no regrets for fighting for such an unlikely future as Mercy. Yet the nightmares had never allowed her to forget the one that cruelly took her parents away. Now, the very same could be out there, laughing about how easy his past crimes will end up forgotten and unpunished simply for being amongst the countless Omnics that had fought on both conflicts. _He’s not an Omnic, he's a monster._ Angela knew better than anyone. _Amnesty?_ _Mercy...? For him?!_ All the wonders of the Omnic Amnesty Act were plagued by those dark cherry glowing eyes staring back at her, taunting, toying with the morals she chose to hold dear after witnessing the horrors of conflict and war. _Be better than them,_ her kind mother would say in times of doubt. _Violence is not power, but weakness, and hate is never the creator of anything, only destructive._ But her mother was long gone, suffocated by her own blood before Angela’s very eyes. Two bullets were enough to take everything she had ever held dear, and in moments of weakness she began to question if one more would be enough to end it all. 

The deeper she dove into those dreadful thoughts, the more blurred became the path of mini-sunflowers, white daisies, and purple asters. Their natural eye-catching beauty, after many years, had gone unnoticed. “Do you want to talk, my love?” Genji asked, his voice clear even in rain.

Her gaze met his brown eyes filled with concern, as they always were when she had nightmares; as if she was a child, and Angeal realized she had had enough of his codeling. “About what?” She asked as if she didn’t already know.

Genji’s answer seemed unwilling to take flight, however. His hesitation was made apparent by the roaring sound of rain that slowly grew as they strolled in silence. Angela knew her tone and expression had given away her frustration and annoyance. That alone was enough to silence him for good, and part of Angela couldn't be more pleased. Then the first crack of lightning rent the air and within seconds the rolling boom of the thunder reverberated overhead. Its deafening echo dredged up some ill feeling from deep within her. A sudden feeling of despair insidiously worked its way into her fibre. She fought at the paralyzing feeling, willing it to return to that dark place from whence it came. Struggling to stay in control, her legs began moving faster, perhaps if she just continued like everything was normal, the fear would pass. Her breaths became short and quick and she could feel her heart racing. _Don’t do it. No, don’t let it happen_. But even as she struggled to strengthen the walls in her mind, they fell all about her and she was helpless.

Memories of that fateful day flashed to the front of Angela’s mind and, despite her best efforts, she couldn’t shut them out. Streaks of pure white crackled against a stormy blanket of grey once again but this time the thunder was the distant sound of artillery hitting the outskirts of the city. The sound of the wind whipping and whistling through the branches of the forest became old alarms screaming just as the rustling leaves were the whispers of frightened children; voices, so many voices clustered together. Some were calling, some were crying, some were shouting but two rose above the cacophony beating on her ears. They were the voice of a kind father apologizing to his young daughter between his final breaths, and a caring mother trying hopelessly to speak words of comfort one last time.

She stopped herself. _They’re not real. They can’t be. I know what this is. It’s just an intrusive memory. I can control it if I know what it is. Resist. RESIST!_ The jumble of voices and sounds grew louder all the while and soon Angela was gritting her teeth. She could hardly breathe. Panic was starting to set in and then...

_CRACK!_ The sound of a gunshot rang through the woods and Angela stopped in her tracks. Automatically she turned toward the sound. Years of combat training set in and she started to analyze the woods. Where did the shot come from? Where was the threat? Her feet began to move off the trail and as she went further into the woods she dropped into the low crouching walk she had been taught to make herself a smaller target. Another gunshot rocked the woods and distant explosions echoed through the hills. Suddenly there was movement. Something flashed between the trees. Then someone was right beside her.

“Hey, mädchen, the hospital was already evacuated. You have to come with us.”

She looked to see what would have been the face of a German soldier, but there was no face. There was just an empty mask of flesh, devoid of any facial features. He moved closer.

“Lass uns gehen,” he said as he extended a pale, clammy hand toward her.

Angela stumbled backwards into a tree trying to avoid his touch. Turning away from his horrible face she started to run blindly through the woods. Confusion and fear blurred her vision and thoughts. Another explosion sent her to her knees and another burst of voices, this time they were more recent. “Tracer’s down! We need a doctor! Where’s Mercy?” The Overwatch team called out for help. They were in pain, so much pain. She could hear it in their voices. Angela picked herself up from where she had taken cover from the explosion and raced toward their voices. They were her team. They needed her. As she ran, however, the voices changed directions until Angela had to call out to try and find them.

“Where are you?! I can’t find you!”

Someone responded but she could not quite hear them.

Then another flash and boom rocked her to her core and she became paralyzed with fear. She took cover again and waited. Suddenly everything was silent except the rain; pounding, pounding onto her now bare head. It took her a few moments to see the crumpled figures on the ground. They blended so easily into the muddy forest floor. There were hundreds of them. They surrounded her. Corpses, some dressed in German uniforms others in the blue of the Overwatch team. Angela’s breath caught in her throat. _So many._ Stumbling through the woods she grasped a tree for support. _So many dead._ A lump formed in her throat and she began to shake.

Someone was calling her name but it seemed so distant. _I’m alone._ Then a familiar scream, a sound she would never forget, pierced her ears. Dread filled every inch of her heart. She rose, automatically drawn toward the call. As she walked the corpses around her also rose. They were all the same faceless horror, watching as she walked. A corpse in a bloody white coat approached her. “Too late,” he said plainly. “Too late.”

Angela was as pale as the doctor’s coat, unable to speak she simply walked through the burnt out hospital, down the crumbling halls. It smelled of rubbing alcohol and burning, burning, burning. Suddenly she was a child again. _No._ Angela closed her eyes. She could not bear to watch their deaths again. _NO!_ A shot rang out once more through the forest and she heard her father slump to the floor. Red eyes tore through her closed eyelids. They were inescapable. Another gunshot and a gurgling at her feet but Angela refused to look. As the pitiful sounds at her feet expired, Angela’s knees buckled and she slumped against the nearest tree as her whole body began to shake.

_I’m alone. I wasn’t in time for any of them. I failed them. They died because of me. I’m alone. I’m alone. I’m alone._

It was then that she heard _him_ coming. Heavy footsteps echoed sharply around the dark room, sounding overly loud and vivid in her own ears. Every muscle of Angela’s body screamed at her to flee, but fear kept her in place. He looked frantically about for an escape but there was nothing that could help. Tension grew in her face and limbs as _he_ approached, his silhouette hidden by the darkness. Red. Dark cherry glowing eyes stared at her directly, watching, taunting with that a ghostly smile; as if it had a sadistic pleasure in seeing the horror on her face.

_You’re not real._ She immediately shut her eyes and opened them just as quickly, confident that she would wake up back in her bed, but it only drew him closer and closer each time she tried to escape that nightmare. “You’re not real!” She shouted, the omnic slowly walked towards her, a trail of blood seemed to stain anywhere he dared to step. She had a clear sight of him now, one her nightmares never allowed her to forget. “You’re not real! None of this is real!”

Suddenly his cold, metallic fingers were digging deep into her skin as his hand tightened furiously around her neck. Soon her lungs started to ache and her hands began to shake, trembling as she tried desperately to dislodge him. He continued to squeeze tightly, forcefully, despite all her efforts. Angela could only scream silently, gasping for breath. Despite her efforts, the edge of her vision slowly began to go dark.

“Angela! Angela!!” She heard a desperate voice exploding in her ears just before darkness could engulf her completely. “It is me, Genji! I am here. You are safe.”

“Genji...?”   

He breathed a long sigh of relief. “Angela.” He brought her shaking frame into a tight embrace. She held onto him just as tightly, her warm tears flooded his already soaked shirt. “You are safe,” he repeated. “I am here, and I love you. You are safe.” After a few minutes, her sobs calmed and Genji looked his beloved wife up and down checking for any injury. He breathed a sigh of relief when he found none. Angela was slowly recovering, her breath normalizing.

“Can you stand? Are you able to walk home?”

She nodded silently and made a move to stand. He legs were still wobbly, however, and Angela soon grasped at Genji for support. He responded by scooping her up in his arms and starting off in the direction of the trail. Although his strides were fast, Angela hardly noticed them. Every time she closed her eyes those red eyes were still staring at her. It was enough to turn her stomach and to make her hold Genji closer as he carried her. Angela’s thoughts raced around her head in a swirling cloud. Medically she knew what was happening but that did not slow her pounding heart or calm her quick breaths. She could feel Genji’s tense worry and wanted to calm him but the words simply would not come; lost in the clouds of her mind.

Soon they were back on the trail, Genji’s pace had not slowed. The churning grey above reappeared as they left the forest behind. As Genji forced the door open with only his elbows it slammed with a _crack_ against the wall. The sharp sound caused Angela to jump and Genji instantly started to soothe her. He rushed to the bedroom and placed his wife on the edge of the bed. Shivering almost uncontrollably, Angela tried to get up and find some warm clothes while Genji tore off his wet ones. Her legs, however, did not seem inclined to obey her. She tried to take a deep breath and move but the world was spinning and it felt like she was trying to move through a thick mud. Genji noticed her helplessness after throwing on a dry shirt.

“Angela,” he said softly. “We have to get you out of those wet clothes.”

She looked at him and tried to make a response but the words came out slurred.

Genji sank to one knee and held her trembling hands. “May I help you?”

Angela nodded weakly and tried to keep the panic she was feeling at bay. _It will pass._ He frantically dug through her drawers and found some sweat bottoms of Angela’s and settled for one of his shirts. He gingerly peeled her wet clothes off as gently as he could. Slipping his larger shirt over her thin frame and putting on the oversized sweats as fast as he could, Genji watched his wife’s eyes for any sign of discomfort. As he softly replaced her wet clothes for warm, Angela, in the midst of all her complicated feelings, was overcome by the love that was behind each of Genji’s tender movements. With Angela dry, Genji finished changing himself before picking her up once more and heading out to the living room.

Below their Television was a large fireplace. Genji nestled his cold angel on the couch and went to start the fire. A few matches later saw a strong flame growing, and Genji made his way back to Angela. He gently helped her to stand and became her support in each step she took towards the warmth. As he guided her toward the fire, the light seemed to banish the fears from the forest. Genji sat down next to her and placed a blanket and protective arm around her. Finally feeling safe, she took a deep but shaky breath. It was over. Angela began running a mental check, there were some scrapes and bruises from running through the forest. _Like a mad woman,_ she thought.  Nothing else seemed injured physically but there was a feeling in the back of her mind that she just could not shake. Angela found herself snuggling closer to Genji at the immediate memory of the forest. In his arms, at least, she knew she was safe.  

“Angela,” he began, holding her close against his chest. “Should I call the hospital?”

"NO!" She said too quickly. Her sudden and clear response took Genji by surprise. Her eyes watched him intently. "Please don't.”

“My love,” he said tenderly. “Look at you, please. You are in shock. At least allow me to take you there.” His tone made it seem like he was about to beg.

"No," she said again but softer. "Genji, I just need--" her voice trailed off. She hugged the blankets around herself more, yet she shivered. "I just need to rest." Angela saw the anxiety in her husband's eyes and caught his hand. "Just don't leave.”

“Never.” He replied instinctively. He pulled her into a warm embrace and his fingers stroked her hair. Slowly, Angela’s shoulders relaxed and her arms curled around his body. “Angela, what happened?” The question, although she knew it had to be coming, made her stiffen in his arms.

"I suppose that it would not be enough to say I don't wish to speak about it." She said the words thoughtfully while gazing into the fire and taking solace every time she felt his heartbeat, the weight of his arm around her. How could she hide anything from him? For some reason, the full truth was hesitant to come out, so Angela found her lips forming half, and partial truths, skirting around her darker intentions. _I am doing this for him._ _My peace will be his; once I am free._ "I never believed it would get this bad," she started carefully, deliberately. "But the nightmares, they are coming more frequently. I...I can hardly sleep nowadays and I suppose it has had an effect on me mentally." Angela paused doing another self check, analyzing herself. "I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Genji, PTSD. I've seen it before. It's just harder to deal with when treating yourself." She glanced at him to gauge his reaction but his brown eyes were firmly set on the fire. He tightened his arms around her though as she spoke. "There is no single treatment for the condition," she ventured on. "Not even my research has found a way to help substantially. Physical wounds, even the worst can be made as if they never were inflicted. Mental wounds, however, I have yet to decipher."

He needed a moment to process what she had just said, it seemed, judging by his sudden absence of words. “I am no stranger to such pain,” Genji said after a time. His eyes met hers as he spoke and smiled. “You are mistaken to believe that there is no treatment, as I know better than anyone how capable you are in performing miracles.” He held her hand gently and placed its soft palm ever so slightly against his cheek. “I was in pieces, yet you made me whole. I was in pain, yet you showed me comfort. I was in rage, yet you granted me peace. So I beg of you, _mausebär_ , allow me to be your doctor for once. ” Genji’s concern continued to touch Angela’s heart. The longer she sat, the more resolved she became. _When I am finished, my mind will be at peace and he need no longer worry for me._

“I appreciate your kind words, Genji, but I already have a treatment in mind.”

Before Genji could inquire as to what that treatment was, Angela’s phone buzzed loudly on the kitchen table and she almost leapt from her blankets to retrieve the device. _Right on cue,_ she thought _._ Genji watched her get up and look at the message. _Is it safe?_ As she read, her jaw set and her eyes flashed a steely fire that harkened Genji back to memories he wished he did not have.

“Who could possibly need anything in the middle of a Saturday? Surely it is not the hospital.”

Angela stood, rooted to her spot at the table. “It is,” she said stiffly. “I need to go in.”

In one fluid motion, Genji rose from his position in front of the fire. The smoothness in the smallest of actions always surprised Angela. His face was filled with concern, and...skepticism? “You cannot mean that you are going into work. Angela, you could barely walk, let alone speak, half an hour ago. Please, tell them that you are unable.”

“Genji,” Angela said matter of factly. “There is no place better for me to be right now than the hospital. I simply need to get my mind off of things. I can’t do that here.”

“And the Gala tonight? I had thought to cancel, however, with all this new found _energy…_ ” Angela could hear the dissent in his voice.

“I will return in time to change. Really, Genji, I’m fine. The best thing to do is go about life normally.”

“You may go to the hospital Angela, but do not think that will let you ignore what happened this morning. There is no normalcy here. You are not telling me everything although I wish you would. I sense that you stand before two diverging paths. _Nito-o ou mono wa itto mo ezu._ You cannot walk both.”

Angela turned to face her husband. That same hard look was in her eyes. “ _Keizoku wa chikara nari_ , Genji. I am doing what is best for myself.”

Just then her phone buzzed once more with the message: _I found him._

 

 . . .

 

As Angela strode into her lab, darkness and silence enveloped her. The only light was that of her cell phone screen. The words of the last message received were still turning in her head. _Is it safe now?_ The message read. The words were cold and lacked the innocence such a fraise would usually warrant. For a moment Genji’s words of warning echoed in her mind. Was she indeed before two paths? Could she not have both revenge and peace? _One will bring about the other._ Angela resolved and pushed the thoughts out of her mind.

_Yes._ Angela answered the text as she approached a switch to turn on the lights. When they first came on, the lab stayed dim for a quite a while. Soon, however, the lab was bathed in a bright light and Angela took comfort in the stark, sterile appearance. She could already feel her head clearing. The only sound was the dull hum of the air conditioner blowing incessantly. Suddenly cutting through that silence was the distinctive sound of a ringing phone. Angela took a deep breath and pressed the answer button.

_“_ About time, my dear,” said a cool voice before her lips could form a greeting. “I assume you made sure to double check if your lovely husband is not within earshot, yes?”

“I’m alone.”

“Good.” The delicious crunch of a perfect bite of an apple punctuated the word. “It would be quite a shame if he had a glimpse of your true colors, wouldn't it? Would he be disappointed? Perhaps proud?”

“Genji’s opinion doesn’t matter. This is _my_ affair and when it is done Genji and I will both reap the benefits.”

Deep chuckles taunted Angela’s ears. “I took you for a pacifist, _Mercy.”_

“I have my reasons.” Angela responded, each word a dagger of ice.

“I am sure you have, my dear. Before we go on with this crusade of yours, do I need to state the obvious?”

“He won’t be a problem,” Angela said with bitter conviction.

“So I am right to assume that you will be capable of taming his wild curiosity over your next steps?”

Angela found herself getting angrier. “I can handle my own husband.”

“Very well.” A chuckle once more broke over the line. “8408, Alte Neuburgstrasse, Winterthur, Switzerland... Does that ring a bell, Dr. Ziegler?”

At first Angela could not speak, but as her hate began to broil the words came flying out. “ _Verdammt_ murdering _arsch_...of course he would live there.”

“It does puzzle me why a degenerate, sadistic omnic would choose quite a peaceful land as his new lair. He must have fallen in love with the place after his mission, I presume.”

“No,” Angela said through angry tears. “No love exists in him. Maybe he knows. What if he is taunting me?”

“Well, if that is the case, my dear, it appears he was successful.”

“I’ll kill him either way... Where do I find you?”

“ _I_ shall find you.”

As the phone clicked, Angela angrily wiped her teary eyes and paced the length of the lab. She had no idea why speaking with her contact on the other end of the line always made her so upset. Perhaps it was the knowledge that she, for once, did not have the whole picture. Another few lengths of the lab brought her mind to rest again. It was happening. Soon the pain that she had lived with since that horrid day would be laid to rest. What was a good night’s sleep like? Truthfully Angela could not remember the last time her dreams had not been haunted by red eyes and rainy nights.

Turning toward her personal office, she pushed through the heavy, double doors and closed them tightly. Clean and neat, exactly as she had left it, this was her second home. The lights were off but a conspicuous case at the back of the office, centered in the middle of the large window, softly illuminated the room. Her Valkyrie suit stared back at her indignantly. The spectacular wings made it look as though an actual angel had come to judge her actions. Angela shut the thought out of her mind. There was, after all, business to attend to.

She walked around and sat at her desk. A desktop appeared, allowing her to buy her plane ticket. As the transaction went through, a knot formed in her stomach. This was really happening. Exiting the desktop, Angela opened a drawer and thumbed through files until she found the one she was looking for. There was no name. Placing it lightly on her desk, she opened it carefully, almost cautiously. A single picture was inside: an omnic with red eyes. Although faded, rusty and scratched, Angela could tell that he had not seen fit to change the paint or the style of plating as many other Omnics who had fought in the war had done. _He’s still proud._ Angela thought with bitter hatred. _Proud of himself for all the people he killed._

The picture starred up from the desk but Angela met the gaze with cold determination.

Getting up from her desk, Angela faced the case that held her old gear. Her Caduceus Staff lay in beautiful lighting that Torbjörn had designed for her. Her fingers instinctively reached for the staff but as they graced its smooth surface they continued to her old sidearm and withdrew the weapon. How she had protested to Morrison when they had forced her to take the weapon and to train with it no less. It was that training now that she used to take apart and clean the weapon. It was that training that she would use to put an end to her troubles.


End file.
